Discovering Strength in Everyday Moments With The Spork Witch

This episode features Braxtin the Spork Witch, who shares deeply personal stories about chronic illness, mental health, and the significance of community in witchcraft. They emphasize the importance of being authentic in one's spiritual journey while using the metaphor of the spork to highlight versatility and adaptability.

• Defining witchcraft as a personal journey
• The significance of community and support
• Empowerment through embracing chaos and vulnerability
• Exploring the concept of the spork as a versatile symbol
• Braxton's healing journey, including challenges with mental health
• The importance of radical acceptance and self-care
• Encouraging new witches to find their unique paths

Take a moment to explore their products and stories or connect with us on social media for even more witchy inspiration!
Visit Braxtin's website: thesporkwitch.com

Kimothy: 0:04

Welcome back to Your Average Witch, where every Tuesday we talk about witch life, witch stories, and sometimes a little witchcraft. Your Average Witch is brought to you by Crepuscular Conjuration. Just so you know- Bee Box subscriptions are open for 2025! I only have a few spots left. You get a monthly spell box with a spell, items to perform the spell (with the group if you want), a treat, an altar tool or piece of Clever Kim’s Curios jewelry, and a crystal. This year I’m also including 2 build as you go items, so every month you get a piece of the kit and at the end of the year you’ll have a witchy protection tool and a divination kit. Visit crepuscularconjuration.com and look for “Subscription Services” to learn more. 

This week I’m talking with Braxtin the Spork Witch, a creator and healer from the Pacific Northwest. We talked about chronic illness, mental health, and of course, sporks. I’m also giving a trigger warning for discussion of experiences of intrusive thoughts of self harm and harming children in the context of postpartum psychosis. Please note that no harm came to the children or adults, and the discussion emphasizes understanding and recovery. Now let’s get to the stories!

Braxtin, hello, welcome to the show. 

Braxtin: 1:02

Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. I'm excited to be here.

Kimothy: 1:04

I'm excited to talk to you, yay, thank you for being here. Can you please introduce yourself and let everybody know who you are and what you do and where they can find you? 

Braxtin: 1:16

Absolutely.My name is Braxtin Angelo and I am the owner of the Spork Witch. It is difficult for me to describe exactly what that means, but for the most part I am an artist who also creates salves and topicals to help the witchy/disabled community. And also I'm really invested in helping others heal traumas and accept themselves and empower themselves, as they are so kind of all over the board. As far as that goes, I am online at thesporkwitch.com and on all socials as the spork witch, even though I'm. My ADHD does not allow me to equally give all those socials the attention they deserve, but you know we all do our best, right?

Kimothy: 2:17

And I met you through my friend, actually,  previous guest Faoladh. They mentioned that they had gone to some event local to them and bought your products. And then I thought oh, that sounds interesting. And I looked up your products, I liked your website, bought some and reached out to you about an interview. And that’s where we are.

Braxtin: 2:32

Yeah, and you got the gateway package. I knew that show, that show at Crescent Moon in Tacoma Washington, I knew that show was going to be bringing something new in. Because I always pull my cards before the shows, to sort of know what to balance internally for myself to be either prepared for or aware of, and I knew that show was going to be significant in some way. It felt pretty cool to not even have the show be done and have an email from you and I was like, well, that's, that's awesome, cause that's how, like, I make friends, as I'm like, hey, you were now friends at the end and that it. It felt pretty cool, I felt like it was very serendipitous, I guess, for sure.

Kimothy: 3:30

It was very kindergarten the way you're just like okay, we're friends now. Here's my phone number. And then I texted you at 1:30 in the morning and you responded.

Braxtin: 3:45

Yep. Yep, we're like this is a thing now.

Kimothy: 3:50

Yay, okay. So what does it mean to you when you call yourself a witch?

Braxtin: 3:55

You know it's, it's funny,  I actually get asked this question a lot, just in general, mainly because either you have the people who already have a definition attached to that word and they are feeling you out, or they have interest in it themselves and so they are trying to understand, or they they're just genuinely curious and for me it's something that I never actually like stepped into until about four, four or five years ago, because for me being a witch isn't one thing, right, it's not. There's not like a definition of that like fits into a perfect box of a witch. I guess you know it's just like you say about any language or gender, right, there's no like. I always say my, I always say there's no one right way to witch, because for me it's all about somebody who recognizes their power and potential, no matter what level that's on. So even somebody who's struggling to heal their trauma or struggling to love themselves, the recognition of that struggle, the recognition of where they're at, is power. There's not like a finish line to reach, not like a finish line to reach. To me, everybody has their own individual path and as long as you're honoring you as you discover that path. It's just really somebody who wants to be the best version of themselves and knows that the version they're in right now is the best version. And for me it gets as deep as possible, clearly in that philosophical way. But it's all because there's just not one definition. So for me it's really personal. It's just about accepting where I'm at in the journey and kind of laying back and back, floating sometimes with that and understanding that this is the entire process, that I am powerful where I'm at, as long as I am doing my best, and sometimes our best doesn't. It doesn't. It always changes, right. So someone's a witch who wants to be a witch, and for me it was a way to take back the word. I remember sitting there when I was trying to think of this new business name, because I've had other businesses in the past but they never really felt right. And I just remember thinking I got to add the word witch to my name and it just felt right, like I knew not everyone was going to like it. I knew I was going to isolate people from wanting to be part of my business, if I use that word, and I think that is what encouraged me to use it the most because of the taboo idea that a lot of people have towards that word. It kind of gave me this empowerment to not people, please. So I, you know. So I was like I'm going to lean into that really hard and I'm going to make sure that I use that word in a responsible way, to help change other people's minds without even trying.

Kimothy: 7:16

Cool. Why spork?

Braxtin: 7:18

Haha! So besides it being the most versatile and, you know, best utensil ever in the world, it's also, and also like, the most non-binary utensil. You can get essentially… spoonies, anybody who, right, like, tell me I'm wrong here. Right, a lot of mine have knives on the side too. It's just, it's like it is. It is the smorgasbord of efficiency. You know you got soup? Spork. You know, you got salad?Spork. Ice cream? Bring it on. You know there's literally nothing you can't eat with a spork. But you know people who are in the chronically ill disability community use spoons. You know there's a spoon theory to express like, basically, in a video game, like your energy meter, you have a certain amount of spoons. When you use them up, like that's all you got, right. At the end of the day you need to take a shower or eat and you only have one spoon left. Sometimes you have to decide which one of those things you're going to do. Sometimes you have to borrow from the next day. So it's an energy meter. But I actually ended up writing the spork theory on my page, and I'm trying to integrate my blogs and everything a little bit better so people can reach that part of the website more easily.But it's essentially this, this whole feeling of when your spoons are gone, right? People say, like my spoons are gone, only knives. Well, I'm like, my spoons are gone, only sporks. Like I'm still who I am,  I'm a spoony, but stabbier is basically what I say. But you know that that sporks, for me, are very much like I'm still doing what I have to do, I'm still accomplishing these things, but it's not necessarily the way I'd prefer to come across. You know, I, I'm out of energy. Therefore, I'm a little edgier, I'm a little I got, I got the stabby parts, but I'm doing my best. So we're going to keep going and keep surviving. And you know, stab along the way, and that's fine. You know, everybody should enjoy that part too. But that's why the spork. Because it was like I realized all about the spoon theory and I was like but I don't always think it's the spoons or the knives, there's always that in between spot too. That needs to be honored. So it just felt right. Plus, you know, in my logo I'm writing a spork. It so it, it. It also is a broom, apparently you know, so that's helpful. Plus, you always have a utensil there when you need it. Plus, you always have a utensil there when you need it. Can't eat with a broom. I mean, I mean you could if you're…

Kimothy: 10:13

Not comfortably.

Braxtin: 10:15

Right, right, right, yeah, exactly.

Kimothy: 10:17

So you said that you came up with it like five or six years ago or whatever number. You said Numbers.

Braxtin: 10:26

Whenever that was yeah.

Kimothy: 10:27

Whenever?

Braxtin: 10:28

It was at some point in the past. Yeah, not today.

Kimothy: 10:32

So when did witchcraft start happening for you? Is it something that you grew up with, or is it something that you recently came upon for yourself?

Braxtin: 10:46

Okay. Well, this answer to this question is going to take about four hours, so let me see how I can compartmentalize everything I want to say here. I have had the ability to do weird things since I was young. Young and it's hard to own that, because I've always had this feeling of I'm different, but in a positive way. But due to my challenge in this life, really leaning into being proud of myself and shining my light, I've never really been able to say like hey, I am unique and special in these ways. Until very recently, um, I would hear and see things nobody else could. As a child, I very vividly remember meeting a literal guardian angel of sorts when I was younger that I would have a lot of conversations with. I remember seeing things that were very terrifying, very vivid dreams, just very aware that there were things other people weren't seeing. So because I was raised Catholic, I immediately thought I was evil because I was raised Catholic and I suppressed a lot of it because I chalked it up to like I'm just something's wrong with me. I was not raised in an environment that was supportive of that. I wouldn't say it was not supportive, I just it wasn't something that I understood. I wasn't in an environment where there was support there with that or. Um, you know, there was no, like you know, witchy aunties or anything like that around me. Um, it was more just me. So I kept a lot of it to myself. Um, I thought I was just really good with my imagination and you know I just have a very vivid imagination is what I chalked it up to. And then when puberty hit, that was very difficult because there was a lot of instances that were terrifying, that involved, you know, demonic things happening around me that I couldn't explain. And then that's when I started to feel like something's wrong with me, like I have a mental health problem. I need to be seen. Problem, I need to be seen. And because of speaking out about things that were scaring me, it kind of seemed to everybody else around me that I also have mental health issues. So it wasn't exactly seen as something that was like a strength or interesting gift. It was more seen as something that was something's wrong with me. So that kind of got worse as I went through my 20s and then I became pregnant at the age of 30. And it was around that time, right before I got pregnant, that I went into, probably like 28 years old, I went into this witch shop for the first time and I was like I'm really really into this. You know, I'm really drawn to this. This is interesting. I had a couple of people in there tell me things I kind of already known, like you know somebody that's always with me or something I'm connected to, and I had my first tarot reading done and she was very specific about the fact that she's like I don't understand how you did this, but you essentially came into this life without your twin and I'm sitting over here like all right, lady, you know, like were you raised Catholic too? You know, I don't know what you're talking about, but she, the things she was saying, like she's like I'm, I don't understand how this happened. Like you, you're going to have to basically right this wrong, but it's not necessarily something that's going to be like a punishment, it's just an interesting thing. She told me you're going to have boy/girl twins. They're going to be fire signs, one's going to be very water, one's going to be very fire, they're going to interchange that. She basically mentioned dragons as being very significant, which I can feel is most likely significant for you as well. We can always talk about that later, and I was a little freaked out by the whole thing, but it felt right. So I started going down that path and really accepting it. And then, when I got pregnant, I started having incredibly vivid dreams about an eight-legged dragon. About six weeks in, I ended up in the emergency room thinking I was having. You know that things were going wrong. And I ended up having an ultrasound and the doctor said you have, you're having twins. And lo and behold, I had boy, girl, Aries, twins. Very water and fire. They interchange, but one is very good at grounding and shielding, naturally, and the other is very much connected upward. The other one's connected downward. And I was also told in that reading that that would be my coven, essentially. Since I am a solitary chaos witch, I cannot speak to the power of the fact that, yes, indeed, these two souls that chose me are definitely the reason that I walked into these gifts and after I gave birth to them, I actually lost all my gifts, not just lost in the way that, like I was looking for them, I completely forgot that I had any of them. Because after I gave birth, I fell into pretty heavy postpartum psychosis, to the point of thankfully asking for help. I think it helped me realize a lot of stigma attached to that. A lot of people who give birth don't have the ability to ask for help, don't have the resources, and I went through the worst time in my life of demonic possessions and everything that you can think of to make someone go insane is essentially what happened to me. You know, running up and down the stairs, hearing people screaming, things flying by windows and I, I just I was not okay. I couldn't touch my children. I… there were many times where I discussed with my co-parent how I would end them. It was very specific and creepy. I don't remember a lot of it. And then I just remember about a month went by where I was just I was not okay, my body was failing, everything was sort of just not great and it it was the hardest time of my life. And I remember telling my co-parent. I remember telling my co-parent like I'm going to do it tonight, and he broke down and laid in front of their bedroom door. And I'm going to get emotional telling this because I still remember this and I just remember thinking, standing out in the hallway and looking at their door, like, oh, he fell asleep. Like what an idiot, essentially. And I remember thinking that's not me. You know, like I just had this innate hatred towards my children that I felt wasn't me and I couldn't understand it. And I remember going, taking myself downstairs and crying on my couch and facing the wall and I heard possibly the most terrifying growl I have ever heard auditorily and I knew exactly what was happening. And I didn't- again, I didn't remember that I had gifts, I didn't understand what was going on. I just knew I was terrified. I knew something was in that house, I knew something was trying to get me to do, to do what they wanted me to do to my children. And so the next day I called the nurse and I said you gotta, you gotta, commit me. You gotta, you gotta, lock me up. I'm a liability to my own children. I am not okay. I don't know what's going on. And instead of that nurse making me feel awful and horrific about myself, she hugged me and said I'm proud of you. This is not an easy thing to admit. This is not an easy thing to say. You're doing your best, this is not your fault. I would say that was the first moment in my life in which I had pure validation, without feeling like I was a bad person. I got immediate- not immediate help, but I was heard and I started medication immediately. I wasn't left alone for any amount of time. I had to accept a lot of help at that time. I had to stop breastfeeding because it was depleting me so much and I felt very guilty about that. You know, I I started understanding natural ways of making formula that was safe and doctor approved. That was definitely, I think, my first step into looking at herbal and natural ways that were also middle ground of something being healthy and and correct for my children. And then I remember we were in Oregon at that time and moved up to Washington a couple months later and I was doing a lot better mentally. But when we moved up here to Washington, I still a couple months later, I still couldn't remember what I could do. I still was having these instances. And I remember going to sleep and waking up after having a nightmare of this giant spider running towards me down the hallway and I woke up at the same time. These boxes crashed in the garage at the exact same time and it was at that moment when I woke up. It's like everything came rushing back to me. It was about a six month period in which I had no gifts, and I woke up that day realizing what was happening that there was something in here trying to take me and then trying to get me to take my kids, because they they essentially took my gifts with them when they came out and I remember, just the day I woke up and I had them back and I knew that my kids kept me safe in that moment, that they, that they literally protected these gifts that I had and I, I, I got myself out of the house and I said, all right, it's time to lean in and I went to Crescent Moon actually at their old location that that store has had a lot of significance for me and I walked in there and I said, who's who wants to talk to me? Right, like which one? And Hecate was like let's do this. And at that point I pretty much never questioned it again. I have leaned into it ever since and I know my children saved my life in many ways and I haven't been able to ignore the abilities that I've had that are directly correlated to the trauma and pain that I've gone through. Um, so that's pretty much the short version of my, uh, my history of my gifts, um, but it's, it's been a journey to that I've been, I would say, forced to acknowledge, based on understanding the chaos part of it, but I I don't think I would change a thing, honestly.

Kimothy: 23:05

I am unsurprised that that's who showed up.

Braxtin: 23:09

Me too, now, now I am too. I didn't understand this. I didn't understand any of anything about her or any of the significance whatsoever at the time but now I get it you know. Now it's like oh okay, yeah, there you are.

Kimothy: 23:24

Well, can you introduce us to your your daily practice, if you have one? Do you have any little little consistent things that you do?

Braxtin: 23:33

You know, that's, that's for me, this, you know it... The chaos of it all is so funny because I I thought when I started all of this and it really, really leaned into it that I was like, okay, I need to have a practice, I need to have rituals set up, I need to do this, this and this. But because of essentially being a single mom with two, two kiddos that are chaotic as well and have the same disorder that I do as well, my life is exhausting. So I realized as I went through it that anytime I would try to have a set routine that didn't involve taking care of myself, it would, it like literally wouldn't stick. I could not get a routine to work. I had to realize that the way that I do things has to be catered to my sanity. I cannot put limitations on myself. I cannot put expectations on myself magically or spiritually in any way, shape or form, because every day is so different for me that I that I can't plan something. I've been to a couple of circles, I've met some amazing witches and people that have made such a huge difference in my life. But after doing literally dissecting my astrology charts and a lot of the like Akashic record situations, that I've kind of gone down these rabbit holes. I've been very, I've been made very aware of the fact that, like I am essentially a void Walker, right, so I, I come in and out, I help people when I need to, I get these connections when I need to, but I'm there's not a really big consistency for me, so I'm not somebody who is somebody who says you know, there's a full moon, I'm going to put all my stuff out. I'm going to do this every time. I'm literally like the chaotic raccoon that's like, well, I just remember that the last second it was a full moon, or two days later it still works. It's the intention that matters. So I don't. I have my altar in the corner of my work area. I have an altar downstairs, but you know I call it an altar, but really it's just like you know the autistic urge to collect shiny things right, like it's just like. This looks pretty like it's not exactly organized, it's absolutely chaotic, but it works, and I have just recently felt the most comfortable with leaning into the fact that like this is not going to be. One thing, I am not a decorator, I am not somebody who can organize that. I just don't have the energy for it. So I had to really realize that any guides or any anything that ancestors, anything that's behind me, is really just like hey, do it your way. Just do it your way, just take care of yourself. That's really the most important thing. Um, for having stress or anxiety or I'm feeling really off kilter, I know that that's a moment in which I need to breathe, I need to walk away from what I'm doing and stop forcing it. I need to. Radical acceptance was a big, big big thing for me: Meditation, going into my brain and understanding the parts of me that were blocking therapy, right, like all of that really, I guess, would be. My ritual is looking in in a mirror and I'm and I'm a mirror witch as well. So mirror work is big for me, so writing affirmations on my mirror. So I look at them and at least my eyes see them, even if I don't say them. On days that I struggle mentally or emotionally or physically, I just I do. I live my. I guess my main ritual would be living the best I could that day for future me, cause I'm tired of fucking over future me.

Kimothy: 27:56

Huh, I guess I'm not tired of that yet. Ta-da Yay.

Braxtin: 28:01

Yay.

Kimothy: 28:04

Mental health. What's that? Whoop whoop.

Braxtin: 28:12

And that's where I come in. Apparently I'm going to call you out on everything.

Kimothy: 28:16

Oh good, Great yeah.

Braxtin: 28:20

My tarot reading cards that I had, right, my tarot reading tagline for my cards, it's right. My tarot reading like tagline for my card said “Calling you out on your shit.” That's literally what the tagline of my cards were. So it's kind of my style of reading is like, but in a way that's you walk away feeling seen and empowered and healthy and like you have some healthy, healthy control. That's big for me is empowering other people. I always say there's two types of people in the world. I went through it, so you have to, and I went through it and I don't want you to have to and I want to be the second one, so I really…

Kimothy: 28:54

Student loans, everyone.

Braxtin: 29:01

Exactly, exactly, socialism, absolutely. I went to college for sociology and that changed a lot of my perspective as well. Yeah, so I just I would rather be somebody who helps other people and helps them see the beauty within themselves, even if there's only darkness. Here's the beauty in your darkness, here's why you're worth it. That's big for me.

Kimothy: 29:30

So would you say that witchcraft has changed your life?

Braxtin: 29:34

Yeah, I would say witchcraft, craft is my life. I would say my spirituality is as important and the balancer on the scales to my disorder, to my darkness. It's my hope, it's my light in the dark, when I can't be a light. It's definitely been my beacon that I haven't been able to ignore. I've been very blessed to feel slapped in the face by it when I am at my lowest point. I know many people don't get that privilege and whether it was good or bad, slaps in the face. Whatever you want to consider those words to be, whether it was scary or safe feeling, I guess I'll say it was there. So it's been hard to ignore.

Kimothy: 30:34

What would you say is your biggest struggle?

Braxtin: 30:38

Feeling like I am not doing it right, feeling the-

Kimothy: 30:40

 Could that be imposter syndrome?

Braxtin: 30:43

Oh I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't have that at all. Absolutely I don't. I'm great at everything and never doubt that I'm making it all up in my own head or that I'm you know, or that my consciousness is actually in some sort of matrix and like a mental hospital, where I'm hooked up to a machine Like it's a constant never, have that thought. Never, ever, ever, ever. What I think what's what helped me actually is that one of my best friends, Val. I remember crying to her one day and she's a Capricorn, so she loves when I cry. It's like her favorite.  It's like, she just has this look on her face, like, okay, we're just going to pretend that this is fine, this is fine. But I just remember freaking out because of there are it's hard for me to talk about the gifts that I have and the things that I can do, because they're just so powerful, I guess, and that seems toxic for me to be like I'm a powerful person. Why is it toxic? That's not toxic, see, but that's my point. See, I'm over here going. I want everyone to feel empowered, and then I say these things, and that's my entire point, this is the whole point. This is the hardest thing for me is being able to look at myself and and remember what I want other people to feel. Right, I have to mirror, I have to mirror that. I have to look. I'm a Leo, like it is literally my job to be proud of myself, and so other people feel like, hey, I want to be proud of myself too, and because I was raised Catholic, let's just go back and blame it on that. Let's just blame it on the church. There's this internalized guilt within me on a constant basis. It's obviously wasn't just the church, but I've always felt, even before I could understand it, that like I needed to temper my ability to be proud of myself, which is literally my biggest challenge in in in this life. For me is to feel confident, to say I am powerful and I do have these really wonderful gifts that help change people's lives and I can do all of these things. And that is what I've been working on for months now is being able to say that and I, I. My biggest challenge is absolutely reflecting to others what I want them to feel within themselves. It's a reason why I haven't leaned into podcasting or putting my book together or continuing to teach my classes to help other people love themselves, because I was so ingrained in an imposter syndrome Like who the hell am I to do this? You know, like, what credentials do I have? Who the hell is going to listen to me? And I've had to realize that this is my path, this is my gift. Like I'm not going to be able to walk into the person I want more than anything. If I'm not going to be able to acknowledge that I am this person that I already am proud of, that I don't need the validation that I just am Just being me, doing what I do on a daily basis is enough, and that's been the biggest challenge. I think I had to do more than I was supposed to. It's like no, just be you and people are already doing it left and right. Being a witch, being magic All of that is a daily. The most mundane tasks are actually creating magic. It's not something that has to be done on a constant basis and, like you know, light, laser beams towards a specific point all the time. Those are great to do, but it's literally in every single second of every single day that we're creating magic with our own two feet, our own two hands, our every breath we take. That's magic. So it's understanding that that I don't have to do too much, I don't have to overextend to be magical.

Kimothy: 35:05

I have a suggestion that's not going to make any sense but it does make me laugh.

Braxtin: 35:08

Bring it on, bring it on, lean in on that ADD thing and forget that you're not going to make any sense.

Kimothy: 35:11

Lean in on that ADD thing and forget that you're not supposed to do that. Yeah, Just start doing it. Because I forget sometimes and when I think about it I'm like why do I have a podcast? Are you fucking serious? And then I forget about it. Nothing stays in my brain for very long and I just do it anyway. Yeah, Just forget that.

Braxtin: 35:36

You're not supposed to do that. You're supposed to feel that way. Yeah, I mean that's per society, not per reality. Yeah, I mean maybe a little bit of the second one too, but no, absolutely Absolutely. I, you know. I say like I'm scared and then I have to tell my fear of failure and fear of success. We're just going to have to do it, scared.

Kimothy: 35:53

Just look over there and then you do it.

Braxtin: 35:56

Like the one hand waving and then it's like, just yeah, people ask me, how did you get out of your executive dysfunction? And I'm like I just did it. I don't have a way, I don't have an answer, other than I forced myself up, I took one step, I did one thing like that, just like you said, like it was just I had to do it extent, and so- 

Kimothy: 36:37

I will think really hard about something as my hindbrain puts my shoes on and gets me into the car. Because once my shoes are on and I'm sitting in the car, I can do it, but I have to push past the part. That's like you know, you could really just go work in the studio and not leave the house. You don't feel good? You should probably stay. All those weird thoughts that try to keep me in my house because somebody's going to kill me out there, yeah, I pretend like I'm not doing it and then I end up in the car and then I'm like okay, I guess we're going. 

Braxtin: 37:07

I, I love that, like that's the whole…yeah, I mean, I struggled with agoraphobia for many years, but but I still do totally, totally understand what you're saying. Shows for me. I love when I'm there, but the idea of getting there, it's horrific.

Kimothy: 37:21

Oh it's the morning of, you're like oops, oops, something's terrible and I can't go, oh well just, oh man, they're right Like give.

Braxtin: 37:30

Give me the excuse, Somebody call me and cancel. Let there be hellfire raining down from the sky.

Kimothy: 37:38

There's a tornado.

Braxtin: 37:41

Shucky darn. Yeah, 100% I agree, and it really is that that's what I mean when I just do it. And it really is that that's kind of like what I mean when I just just do it, like it's that internal like distract myself, like just we're turning off this, letting that part of myself sit on the bus still, and I'm just going to autopilot and pretend I'm not doing it because it is. It's like why is the hardest part getting up and like getting dressed and walking right, like or or or wheeling or getting there. However, it's like that's the hardest part is the the part before it actually happens is always the most difficult.

Kimothy: 38:23

And that's why everybody's like oh, you should live in the now and don't live in the past and don't live in the future, cause that's not actually real and only this is real and I'm safe right now. So let me put these fucking shoes on.

Braxtin: 38:34

Right. And then you're like you know, at three o'clock in the morning, 13 year old, you said something wrong to your science teacher and now you're in that. Yes, you know, now you're. Now you're steps forward, five steps back, and none of that's linear. It's just spaghetti noodles. Yeah, it's just spaghetti noodles thrown on the plate. You know, it's like there's no finish line. It's it's never going to be. The minute we all, just the minute somebody's like I'm healed is the minute I'm like oh, you got some work to do there. That's impossible, that's never going to happen. Like to throw that expectation out the window. Cause, nope, that's not a thing. It's, it's. Yeah, it's an everyday struggle to make sure that we are breathing. I think sometimes I mean that's the maybe. That's the hardest thing for me is giving myself credit, for I woke up. I woke up today. That's a win. Yeah, thank you, you too. Good for us. I am, I'm wearing pants.

Braxtin: 39:34

It's a whole thing. 

Kimothy: 39:39

Me too, oh my gosh, I hate them but you know it's chilly. Anyway, what do you wish more people would ask you about? you know I'm not good at segues, I just blurt things.

Braxtin: 39:49

 I love that, because I am not either. So this works. I just like either it's a tangent or a random like left turn. I actually was. I don't want to blow your secrets, but I was. I was considering this question last night and I couldn't really necessarily figure out the answer to that, because I feel like I kind of have the opposite problem where I get asked so much, just stop talking to me. Well, and then that's where I went first. Right, I was like I just want everyone to leave me the fuck alone. But then when I was thinking about it, I was like you know, I think I wish people would ask me about the like, the boring stuff. Right, like like me, not necessarily my business or the magic or the struggle, but I guess, like the, the internal part of me that necessarily isn't the most interesting. Or you know somebody being like what, what, what movies do you like? You know, like the like what would be considered like boring? Yeah, like like yeah, like questions. Yeah, like or like. I know, like or like. You wouldn't be asked ice, I know I know like or like glimmers right, like my like, my like special interests. You know what I mean, because what I realize, that know me is that they want to info dump. Yeah, and they think I'm one way and I and I like come out and surprise them. You know, everybody who meets me, they think I'm, they think I listen to metal and like I only date with people with tattoos and I'm like, you know, like watching horror and I'm over here I'm going to give, like I'm going to blow my entire cover here and my entire reputation is about to go down the drain. I am over here like belting out Celine Dion and like watching Hallmark. You know, like it is the opposite.

Kimothy: 41:56

I knew you were going to say Hallmark. If you said Virgin River I was going to fall out of this chair.

Braxtin: 42:01

No, I, I, you know it's funny. Obviously I didn't watch Hallmark before when it was, like you know, anti-gay and very, very bad, and thankfully it's a different owner of it. They still have work to do, but it's a lot better than it was. Um, but it's, it's because the world is so intense that I don't want. I would rather have something predictable and indulging of my innocent, sweet side that I don't always lean into because of the naivety and like how taken advantage of I've been. And you know, powerful people become right. There's obviously two different kinds of powerful people. There's the ones that are just powerful because they yeah, because they're monsters and they've sucked everybody dry. And then there's the powerful people that haven't, that don't give up, they keep waking up every day. And people who are powerful that are not evil and monsters get that way because they've been forced to a lot right, that survival mode of I can, do this, I can, I can, I have to, I have no choice. But with that also can come the ability to go. I really want to also honor my inner child and my softness and the part of me that was damaged by others that didn't respect me and, as weird as it sounds, I just that predictable boring, you know, very like, very, what's the word I'm looking for? Like, kind of like bubbly bubble gum, sort of like to other people would be like a dry cracker with peanut butter on it Trying to swallow it. For me is like, yeah, it's simple, there's nothing special about this, that's the whole point. Like, it's easy, it's boring, it's sweet. There's literally no nothing beyond that, because I need a break from the reality of the world and being able to literally feel everyone around me when I, when I need to or want to, or do readings or do my magic, like I know exactly what's out there and I don't need to be constantly reminded on a constant basis. So, delulu, hallmark land. Absolutely going to go to my small town where I'm, you know, meeting a farm boy who, or girl who, grows apples, you know, and we're going to live for a happily ever afternoon. Delulu land. It'll be great.

Kimothy: 44:34

I forgot to say this, by the way. Thank you for sharing the story about the birth and the postpartum psychosis. Yes, I couldn't remember that word. Yes, thank you for sharing that.

Braxtin: 44:49

Yeah, I think it doesn't get talked about a lot. I agree. We need the stigma to go away. More people, more birth giving people need to have support in that area, absolutely.

Kimothy: 45:04

What is your favorite tool? 

Braxtin: 45:14

Well, I can go philosophical here and be like me, because, my, like I, I think one of the the worst things that I had to very, very abruptly realize is tools for my path. At least, I don't want to, I don't want to, like, dismiss anybody else's path, because I'm sure tools for somebody else's path is are very, very important, but for me it has nothing. I had to learn that it had nothing to do with the tool, that that's just for me a way to direct the energy. Um, but it's me that's actually the main vessel or tool. So I would say that, philosophical, philosophical, philosophically, to sound really cool, but also, my knife would probably be the real answer. My cards were definitely a tool that has have given, given away for me to be yelled at in a different way, but I realized again that the cards essentially become more of a validation rather than the catalyst. I have my, you know, my cauldrons and my crystals and my, my statues and everything around me, but there's just certain things that are like, emulate power for me and I, I, I, because it's like along the lines of, like the stabbiness right, it's like this idea that, like, even when I don't feel like I have control, there's this level of control within my like knife.I was literally just given this knife to a couple weeks, like a week and a half ago, ironically, but I used to have one and then I had to burn it all down and start again, because you know relationships. But I just got this newer one and it was like I was feeling incomplete without a knife on my altar and I couldn't really understand why. But the minute I got this knife, it was not about the look of it, it's not about whatever it was, but this one's actually better because it was hand hand forged by an amazing person who has become definitely family for me, amazing person who has become definitely family for me and it was like their third forge knife and that meant a little great deal, for obvious reasons, but it's the idea of like something you can hold that gives back a little bit of control. I think so, or also maybe I'm like a sleeper agent. You know, we haven't figured that one out yet.

Kimothy: 47:55

It's fine, it's fine, we're going to skate over that one. We're fine. Is there anything you wish was discussed more in the magical community?

Braxtin: 48:03

Um, if anything, I feel like there needs to be less discussed in the magic. I feel like I feel like sometimes people just need need things to be, you know, like there's, like I think there's a lot of correcting going on and I and if somebody's, it's like any, I guess any religion or spirituality, like if you're seeking the answer, your people will, you're going to find your people that are going to find you, and then it's good to have that discussion with whatever path works for you. But I also, on the other side of that coin, I see a lot of people like doing the essential equal, of knocking on everyone's doors and trying to sell them on something, and that really bothers me.

Kimothy: 48:44

Don't Jehovah's witness my Witchcraft.

Braxtin: 48:47

I know Like it's very it feels invasive. I think that sometimes people just need to take a step back and if somebody's not asking for advice or help, you don't have to offer it, and if you're having a message, download or information to tell. Actually, I'm going to segue, I guess, into answering this question with. What we need to talk about more is probably that, like, you do not need to give your energy away for free. I think that that is a very weird way of looking at things. If you're like I, spirituality should be free and we should. All it's like no, like people got to first of all, you got to make a living. And if, and if you're someone like me, where it's like my spirituality is literally all of me, not all of me in a sense of, like I have no personality. I mean, maybe I don't know, but in a sense of me, like this is what I do, right, I'm like I'm a healer. This is my path. I got to make my…

Kimothy: 49:44

You're just going to live off your good wishes.

Braxtin: 49:49

That I hate that. To me, that's toxic and it's just a way for someone to gaslight either something that they want out of somebody else. It's like if you feel a direct download that you need to tell somebody. Boundaries are not just 3D Hello. You do not have to give that message. That is not necessary, and I think when gifts are starting to become unlocked and people are learning, your boundaries are boundaries. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, if it gives you anxiety, if it gives you grief, especially at first, you do not have to do it, because that is the whole test of learning how to listen to your intuition and how to listen to your trauma responses. For me it's like don't tell anyone anything that at first. If you're a people pleaser and want to give everybody all this stuff for free just because you want to feel needed and and loved, I get that. But it was a hard reality for me to realize. I was draining the crap out of myself and I had nothing to show for it except exhaustion. It's just wasn't. It wasn't something I would recommend Just anybody moving forward.

Kimothy: 50:58

Damn.

Braxtin: 50:02

Do you feel attacked?

Kimothy: 51:06

No, no, this because I fully agree that people need to be compensated for their time, energy and talent. I absolutely agree with that. I was just thinking about a conversation that came up either last yesterday, I don't know at some point in the past week. Time doesn't work in my brain right. At some point recently this came up in my in our group that we were talking about that, and that's just interesting. I like synchronicities.

Braxtin: 51:40

Yeah, because then when those synchronicities happen, it's like, okay, this is something I need to consider more than yes, right, like I need to sit down, and this is a message I've been hearing constantly. I need to. I need to lean into that and I need to understand I'm doing something here that's not aligning with my greater good. What is it for sure? So maybe you should like do that and stuff.

Kimothy: 52:05

Put that on a plaque, write that down. Maybe you should like do that and stuff. 

Braxtin: 52:15

Yeah, you're welcome.

It's my favorite. That's how we get things done here. I'm getting it tattooed. On the forehead preferably.

Kimothy: 52:24

All right, so I want you to think about the three biggest influences on your practice. If it's people, great. If it's not a person, whatever. If it is people, I'm going to try and reach out to them. To be on the show, though, but anyway, what are the three biggest influences on their practice, and can you please thank them for the way they influence you?

Braxtin: 52:44

Oh, wow You're going to. I guess you also are like how can I make people cry on my show? 

Kimothy: 52:51

Me too. I would cry too.

Braxtin: 52:53

Right, it's like a fun sick game. I am going to say my kids, but the number one, I guess I wouldn't call it a person, but the number one. And this is going to make me cry and sob and probably just fall apart. So, thank you, I hate, hate that, is my disorder. It's controlled. So I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which is connective tissue disorder, which ironically, I've realized a lot of people in the spiritual community actually have connective tissue disorders. It sort of seems very aligned and on the of things that are synchronous or synchronized, in a lot of ways. Not everybody but I have theories for that, but that's another show. I guess. It has determined every second of my life since the day I was born. It has forced me to look at myself and especially with pain medication not metabolizing correctly within the body with this disorder, it's always felt like a joke to me. It's always felt very unfair because it is, I'm one of those people that is like everything happens for a reason, but I don't mean it like everybody else does, that that say it in a way that like undermines or dismisses for me it. It very much feels like this isn't fair. This sucks this. This, this is messed up. This shouldn't be the way this is. But without this disorder I would have never woken up one day. I really pissed of the amount of pain this meat suit is in and decided I'm going to create an herbal remedy for all these issues and I'm tired of it not working, and I'm going to put all of my rage and spite and energy into what I'm doing. I would have never gotten to that place without this disorder and that's really hard to admit, because I hate this disorder. I pulled other zebras, which is the mascot for EDS, into into sadness and depression and into taking themselves off this earth too soon, because there's no help for it and there's no way to treat it and it's mentally debilitating. But again, it's given me my purpose, it's given me a community, it's given me a feeling of purpose and hope in a strange, weird way that, like, even though this is happening and even though it's not fair and it's not right and nobody should be going through this, this is happening and even though it's not fair and it's not right and nobody should be going through this, I have a chance to make other people feel not so alone. Knowing my twins both have it is mentally difficult to watch. You'd never want your kids to feel pain and to know that I gave that to them. Whether it was, I didn't realize I had it when I was pregnant. It wasn't on purpose, but knowing that this was something they got, there's so much anger in there. But I watched them and how they handle it and I'm thinking well, this is why I get to be their mother, because they already advocate. They're 11. They already advocate for themselves. They already know what they need. They're vulnerable and honest about things. They're able to share emotions and anger and understanding about it. They're able to temper themselves and accept. And I it's. I'm in all of that and all of that, them with how they've protected me, how they've reparented me, how they've taught me more than I've ever learned from my kids. Those three things together are 100% the reason I am where I am today, and that's that's. That's not a, definitely not a, not a question for me that it could be any other answer my heart yeah, it's, it's a very bittersweet situation, you know it's… Spite is definitely my fuel, which I think a lot of us can relate to, and I just refuse to like let everyone that's struggling with this disorder to feel alone anymore. It's just it's not, that's not something I want. So I'm pretty hell-bent on making sure people know that there's someone out there, that many of us out there, that want to make the world a better place, and not in a way that's controlling, but in a way that's open-armed and accepting. And I know that I have products that are supportive of that, and I'm hell bent on getting those seen and, hopefully, fingers crossed. Um, you know, internalizing and internally combusting the pharmaceutical companies, one one at a time, by using intelligence, science and herbology all in one. So I would like to give some hope where hope is due to the community of people that are struggling with disorders that are ignored and unseen or gaslit.

Kimothy: 58:49

 I'm gonna advertise a little bit, because I actually bought the Shut the Fuck Up butter and salve and the, I don't remember the pain, the name of the pain, one, but the pain one.

Braxtin: 59:17

The Pain, Pain, Dull Away. It was actually originally Pain, Pain Go Away, and then I was like I don't want to be sued one day, so I changed it Pain, Pain, Dull Away, and there's a lot of them that are called Pain, Pain Go Away out there. But I was like but it doesn't make your like. I've heard from people more you use it, the less the pain occurs, which is awesome. But I'm not going to sit here and be like I'm going to cure you, like that is literally the stupidest thing I could say. So I changed it to Pain, Pain Dull Away because I felt that was more accurate. 

Kimothy: 59:52

Well, I won. The Shut the Fuck Up is the... I bathe my upper body in that because it smells so good.

Braxtin: 59:56

Isn't it so good? It smells so good. 

Kimothy: 59:58

But the pain stuff, I can tell when I don't use it. And I was testing it out. Like. I had two hip replacements recently.

Braxtin: 1:00:15

Oh, I need two of those too at some point, so. 

Kimothy: 1:00:22

Do it man, but so I can, so I have like two separate sides of the same body to test it out on and they're both reasonably fresh, like in the past two years. So I tested it out and I can genuinely tell a difference when I use it. So y'all should give it a try.

Braxtin: 1:00:40

Well, I, I, you know this is why I give samples out at shows especially, and I have the sample packs, because I'm I'm very transparent, which I know freaks people out because, like, nobody's really transparent, especially when they have a business. But for me I'm like, try it. If it doesn't work, then you don't buy it. Like it's, it's not going to work the same for everybody. So, like, why would I want to misrepresent myself? But that that was my biggest imposter syndrome, right there is is realizing this pain, stuff works. And I was like, wait what? And because I'm a mirror witch and a chaos witch, what I realized was, whatever I put into what I'm doing, whether it be art or the products, it's going to reflect back the opposite of what I'm putting into it. So if I'm high, pain, day, rage filled, just angry with the world, what's coming out of that is mirrored. So it's it's lowering pain, it's empowerment, it's calm, grounding, solace. You know all that's what I've realized with my magic. And it works the best when I am the most unhinged, I guess, which is part of the chaos, um, acceptance. So I appreciate that Cause. When I make the, the Shut the Fuck Up, I literally woke up one day and I was severe insomnia and I literally was like shut the fuck up, brain. And I was like, well, that's the name of that. Like that's literally how I come up with these names. And when I have to make it in large batches, oh, I am so tired. I have to do it at night because I'm like, I'm like falling asleep. You know, like one of those magical movies where they, like fairy dust makes people go to bed, like I'm just like dragging after. I make it because I'm so tired, because it just fills my entire place.

Kimothy: 1:02:31

So, yeah, I also love that it doesn't have lavender, because I actually don't like lavender. It smells too menthol for me, but it's like a cinnamon-y base and it smells fucking delicious.

Braxtin: 1:02:44

Yeah, I don't use any. I did have a lavender oil that was specifically lavender. I'm actually allergic to lavender. There's a lot of people in the community that are allergic to so much. So for me it's been very important to be aware of, like, the biggest triggers, like menthol, temperature changes, like none of the products do that, because there's a little warming, I think of the pain, but it's really unnoticeable. It's not really noticeable. I always tell people like you're just going to notice things less. That's really all it is. But I'm very hypersensitive to like how could this affect somebody? So, like, if somebody is out there and wants to try a product but they're, like you know, I'm allergic to mango butter or coconut oil, message me like I'll it's on my website. But like I'll make you something custom. I'll make sure that I can get you something that's catered to your needs. Like anybody who is vegan, who doesn't like beeswax but wants to salve, I have a coconut soy wax that I can use instead. I try to cater to everybody because every single person deserves access to something that helps them and helps their self-care. Like that is just for me. The world is too tough. We all deserve a little bit of relief.

Kimothy: 1:03:52

That's something else that I meant to say. I love that you give people the opportunity to sponsor.

Braxtin: 1:03:59

Yes, that that was. It took me a while to figure out how to do that. I, I, I have a bunch of people on my sponsor list right now that I would love to be able to help out. You can go online Now. There's a spot at the very top where you could just literally click it goes to its own listing. Just sponsor somebody's, butter or salve for pain, and it basically just buys a jar or a 10 of it and I have a list of a Google doc with people's information and the minute they get it, I delete that because I'm not. I'm not over here going to be like doxing people and keeping people's information. That's where I keep my trust out. If someone's going to put their name on there seven times, then they, there's going to be a reason for that I'm not going to remember. If people are going to want to take advantage of the system, then they know why they're doing it. I'm not going to sit here and like worry about it. You know, like that's, that's theirs to deal with. But, like, I don't want to think the worst of people and I just think it's really wonderful opportunity to be like hey, you know, we're all in a tough place, we've all been there, we all have a chance to be in a tough place. We're all doing our best. So I really like the community aspect of it. I have some amazing sponsors who there's a lot of them that come in once and help, and that's just as significant as somebody who comes back and back and helps Like there's not, there's not. I'm not going to like, stand up and go. These people are the biggest supporters and they're you know, I'm not going to boast people up for for doing that. I'm going to be thankful, I'm going to send them some amazing energy. I'm going to be very thankful. But this is about helping each other. It's not about credit, you know, and and I wish I could just give it away for free, right I wish that right now I wasn't in a place where I was struggling month to month. I I that that'd be my hope. My hope is to become hugely successful so that I could help. Like that is really my whole. I'm hell bent on that, like spitefully so. So I think it's a great opportunity for people to help each other. Community wise, for sure, cool.

Kimothy: 1:06:05

Do you have advice for new witches?

Braxtin: 1:06:09

I think it's the same thing that I said right, like don't don't try to be perfect, don't try to do it one way, don't don't. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it. You know that's, I think, a lot of being a witch is healing our inner trauma and our and learning our intuition. So if something makes you uncomfortable, I want this person has advice to give me, but something in my nervous system is kind of paying in a little bit of an alarm. You got to trust that because your people are your people will find you. You don't need all the tools. If you can't afford them, it's okay. You know they'll find you if you need to. There's literally you can go outside and pick up a rock and that's a crystal. I mean, that's literally a mineral. Like you, it doesn't need to be a whole thing. You could walk outside. You could look at a picture of a tree online and that still counts as connecting with nature. There's literally. These rules are detrimental, especially for the disability community, those that don't have access to the outside the way that others do. I think accessibility is incredibly important to remember. Financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, we're all dealing with something, so it's really what works for you. Do it your way there. If people are telling you it's wrong, then those people may not be the most supportive on your path. You know, be just be discerning and don't feel guilty about it.

Kimothy: 1:07:33

Love it. Now that you've seen what it's like to talk to me and how I do this, who do you think I should have on the show? Who would you like to hear answer these questions?

Braxtin: 1:07:51

Oh, you know this is another question that I read last night that I'm like I I can't really actually, no rewind. There are. There are a couple people that I would say definitely two, actually, with this one, and one of them would be The Painted Goddess. Her name is Jennifer. She will be the first person to say that, oh, I'm not in a place where I could or,  you know, I haven't been putting myself towards my practice enough. She's in a big transitional period but she's got very different perspectives than me, but such important perspectives. I've done a lot of read, like events with her, where we read together and we are so different and yet so similar. I think having newer witches for sure, even someone that doesn't have experience, I think that'd be a really good ability. To have someone like a really new perspective on things would be pretty cool. I know that Jennifer has students that she really cares about and I truly think that learning from somebody who sees things from a different perspective, without all of the ingrained luggage on top, sometimes that learning can bring right we could, sometimes we can become like tunnel visioned or narrow new perspectives, would be amazing. I know that she has one student, Alex, who I promised to contact in the new year, to sort of bring on with me. They would be pretty, pretty great to have on there too, even if it was like them together.

Kimothy: 1:09:53

I just want to oh, I can't do more than one person, good Lord. I just want to point out to all the people that I reach out to or have casually mentioned hey, you should be on my podcast and you have told me oh, I've only been doing this for X amount of time, I'm so new. You still have a valid perspective to share, because you're not the only new person, and if you do it and you come on my show and you talk about your practice, you validate them. Yep, so come talk to me, new people, it's okay, I'm just a big nerd.

Braxtin: 1:10:25

Yeah, like I'm not scared. I mean, no, nobody's here to judge.

Kimothy: 1:10:33

I'm just a big weirdo who can't leave her house sometimes, so it's fine to talk to me.

Braxtin: 1:10:40

I'm. I'm the creepy person that lives in a tree like just, you know, it's fine, like, yeah, it's. The thing is, like everybody. This is what cracks me up is when people say they're new. It's like we're all new, right like this. What we're in right now is so small compared to what we've all been through. There is literally, it's just like the healing thing. I'm healed. No, you're not. Oh, I know that all of this, no, you don't.  That is the minute that danger sets in, because somebody who has a brand new perspective on this is going to spark something in somebody who's been doing it for 20 years, like there's. That's why everybody's path and perspective is so important to listen to, because you never know when you're going to get your next message. You never know when you're going to get your next reminder of something you may have forgotten. So, absolutely you know. Walk into it, just like we were talking about, like sometimes, you just got to do it. Walk into it. If you're scared, it scares you. There's different levels, right. If you're scared but you're excited with that. Walk into it, because there's a reason. Are you going to ask me the question about people coming to your door?

Kimothy: 1:11:48

 Am I? Yeah, but that's not, that's, that's the private part. That's the bonus episode that fancy people who pay me get.

Braxtin: 1:11:56

 I love that, I love that for them. 

Kimothy: 1:12:01

Is there anything else you wanted to talk about? Anything I didn't ask you, any questions you had for me, are you going to be showing up at any events to promote your wares?

Braxtin: 1:12:16

Well, yeah, I kind of wanted to ask you, like, what, what compelled you to to start doing a podcast?

Kimothy: 1:12:24

Nosiness.

Braxtin: 1:12:25

 Love that. Yep. Relatable. 

Kimothy: 1:12:28

Also, I have a business that I wanted to promote, but I almost never do that anymore. So I mean promoted, I still do the business, but it's not nearly as much a part of this podcast as I thought it was going to, as I had set out for it to be. 

Braxtin: 1:12:44

See, I love that though. So okay, here comes my, my self-promotion. I have been getting messages, for, oh, for, oh, my gosh, over a year at least to do my own like podcast situation or like YouTube channel, things like that, and I, as any smart person would do, have completely ignored all of that and have basically pushed myself into a corner to be like, no, there's no possible way, but along the way, have tricked my brain into acquiring all the tech and tools possible to be able to do that. So, kind of like what you're talking about, like yeah, yeah, no, we're not doing that, we're going to get this microphone for a completely different reason. And then the last few months of my life, especially this year, between a broken engagement and my fur baby of 17 years deciding that she was better served on the control board of my sanity, which, thanks to her, for sure, has gotten a little better, for, for for sure, she's where she needs to be right now, and a kidney surgery that almost took me out, like this year has been the toughest and the most growth that I've ever had, and I feel like every year is like that, right when you're, when you're spiritual or a witch, or you're growing, it's like every single year is like a rollercoaster on fire that it's just plunging into the mouth of a witch, or you're growing, it's like every single year is like a roller coaster on fire that is just plunging into the mouth of a volcano, or it's filled with shark fire, sharks and piranhas and, and you know, killer, killer animals. But they're also really cute, just a bunch of assholes, Just a bunch of assholes, yeah, Just a bunch with with like, yeah with like, with their sticks and their big big trucks. I don't want to be mean to people with big trucks, but you know, the evil ones have certain types. Anyway, we're not going to go there. And their giant flags hanging off the back. Anyway so did you throw up in your mouth a little bit? It's fine, we'll get through this together. Um, so I, what was I talking about? What just… What just happened? I just lost… Wait, let's rewind, we're going to…

Kimothy: 1:15:02

Oh no, oh no. I rely on my guests. 

Braxtin: 1:15:04

Wait, no, no, I'm good. No, I'm good, I'm good, I'm there. So, basically, with all this happening, all this crazy stuff happening this year, I have been getting more and more messages about this podcast situation. Me and my friends are like we should have a podcast, right, great. For a very long time I've kind of looked into this here and here and there I've I've been on one other one that was for disability pride. But the last… since October, when you emailed me, I was like all righty, like we're here, it's time, it's time to, to, to, to lean into this. And then, ever since since that, like talking to you and agreeing to do the show, it's literally all of these things are like flushing in. I don't want to say flushing, but it's literally like water is just like hitting me, but in like the best way, like I feel like I'm being carried somewhere, that this is very significant for me, and so I recently actually just had someone flung into my life that is very ingrained in the podcast community and they basically are like I'm going to take care of your hosting fees. I know how to set these up. I've had a top 10 Apple podcast before. I want to make this happen for you. Here's what we're going to do. Like, literally, the universe was like here you go, like it's time, so I am walking down that avenue now to be able to do that, and how interesting. You said that like part of your business isn't really that anymore. I'm more concerned about being a brand and like reaching people and helping support people. So that's why I'm like I don't know what what it's going to be on or how it's going to be defined yet, but I do know that, like it's potentially not going to have anything to do with my business, you know definitely just decides what it is and then runs with it, and I just have to keep up. Yeah, that, like I know that this is in, look, it's two, two, two where I'm at right now. So it just feels very much like I'm…

Kimothy: 1:17:25

It's three, two one here! 

Braxtin: 1:17:30

Really. Oh well, apparently my stove clock is one minute faster than the universal one, so we're just going to count mine because it sounds better. But yeah, so that's I'm excited. You know, I'm excited to have this vision that I've set Manifestation has. I think manifestation would be a good topic at some point, and how that kind of works out. That's been definitely something that's coming full force for me.

Kimothy: 1:17:54

Well, that's exciting Yay.

Braxtin: 1:17:56

Yeah, I'm excited and terrified.

Kimothy: 1:18:02

The last two things I ask of my guests are well, the first thing is please recommend something to the listeners. It doesn't have to be magical in any way, it's just whatever you have found recently that you're super into.

Braxtin: 1:18:21

Oh, I know that you know, when you know there's something, then you're like what is it? Oh, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to take a second and actually promote somebody with this. I didn't realize, after Mamacita, my kitty of 17 years, took her place at the control panel of my life, that there are options after that happens for like, the remains. And there is this really wonderful person in Oregon, their businesses Of Fur and Feather that actually- she's a taxidermist, but it's very responsibly done where, like, beetles are used to clean things and, like you know, then there's other cleaning involved but like the, just the way they just very respectfully treat the animals of all kinds. And I realized very recently that I could keep all of the bones and have the heart, like mummified or kept. And at first I was like this is weird, I don't want to do this. And then I thought about it and, because I am a little bit spiteful that Mama, Mamacita, decided that she was better off at the control panel, I was like no, I will display you from the wall, because I know she would hate that and that's funny to me, but also knowing that I I wanted her heart the minute I saw that ability. But there's a lot of bigger companies that do that, and I didn't feel comfortable with that. But I found I got a message from a random Sporky, as my super amazing support system is called, especially on the internet, that there was- hey, there's this person in Portland and I knew the minute I saw the website that I was like this is the kind of energy I'm going for, as far as respect and kindness towards animals go, and to know that like it'll be cool to have her bones back and I can do what I need to with those and they come in a beautiful box and I'll get her ashes. It'll be a private ceremony for just her, as I requested. But her heart, that was a big thing for me. And to know that there are people out there that do that respect animals. When I thought, like taxidermy and all that stuff was just super weird, like before I leaned in any of this. And now, of course, I have like bones all over my areas and every time I see, like you know, a poor body on the side of the road of like a raccoon, I'm like, oh man, I know somebody who could really do some interesting cool things with that. You know, like that's where my mindset has changed and I just think that it's really cool to recognize that there are people that really lean into how to make what we consider the end, the beginning of something else, and I think that's that's been really powerful. That's good. Yeah, it's. I kind of forgot what I was answering, but we got there, I guess, hopefully with editing.

Kimothy: 1:21:57

Okay. The second thing is please tell me a story.

Braxtin: 1:22:00

 Oh my God, have I not Like? What have we been doing? 

Kimothy: 1:22:04

Yes, you have been. It's been wonderful.

Braxtin: 1:22:05

Oh my gosh, it's like…

Kimothy: 1:22:06

 I'm demanding, though. 

Braxtin: 1:22:08

Well, same, same. It's probably why I have a fear of commitment. Tell you a story, oh like, are we talking like any? You're not even giving me a guideline here, are you? You're just going to be like, go for it. Can be anything. What's the story to you? It's one of those philosophical questions, in a really deep way. Oh my gosh, I remember, after essentially 90% of this podcast is apparently about my cat, I should have probably added her with my spirituality, honestly, added her with my spirituality, honestly, like, Mamacita for sure needs to be at at at the top level of who I am today, by the way, I just want to put that in there Because without her I wouldn't be alive. I'll tell you that right now, that cat knew exactly how to look me in the eye and be like bitch. Where the fuck you think you're going? Who's gonna feed me, you know? And then I was like, well, now I can't, I can't end it because who's going to feed her, you know, that was like kind of the thing. So when she passed in August, that was the hardest, that's been the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through. Ironically, with everything that I've gone through, that's definitely been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I'm a mess because of it, but I'm not like I can feel. I could feel her and I remember well, I was going to go a different direction, but I'm going to. I think I'm going to go with this story. This year has been spent a lot of time feeling angry with the world. I remember holding her, and my friend Sadie was there. Who's you know, you have those friends that are like they can't always be around, but when like shit goes down, they're right there. I don't know if anybody, yeah, so like Sadie is definitely one of those friends. It's like, yeah, I don't talk to her a lot, I don't see her a lot on a regular basis, but like if I needed a tarp and a shovel, she's. She's there opening the back of her minivan for sure. But I'm sitting there in the vet's office and I'm holding Mama and she's, I could tell you know she's struggling, but I could feel Mama for these of like fighting. And I looked, I looked at Sadie and I said like I don't know if this is the right thing. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, like she's she's still fighting. And and Sadie said you're right Because, because you're scared, like she's fighting for you. And other people would have been like listen, bitch, you know, but I was, I looked at, I looked at Mama and I was like she's right. Right, because I've had 17 years with this animal that literally pulled me from the edge on a constant basis. And now here I am. I mean, I did my best in that moment, but, like, I just realized in that moment, like if there's one thing I can do for this, this animal that has given me everything for the last 17 years to keep me sane, it's to shut my own brain up right now and give her what she needs. Right? And I just remember, not realizing I had the ability to dig so deep to calm myself down, to ground my energy and to essentially sever the tie of this cat feeling me, right? To make this all about her. And the instant calm Mama felt. Like this, I was singing to her. It was this whole thing I got. I don't even remember how I got through that, but I can remember the minute that she, that that shell just became a shell, and I remember how scared I was, because I've never been in that situation. I I, I'm a medium, I have, I know that there's another side, but in that moment, to watch this literal pink energy float up, sit there and look at me and slam into my heart was, and is the greatest moment I could feel this year, because it it again. This is kind of what the universe does, like it showed me like none of this is made up, and then, days after that happened, this crazy shit starts happening, but not crazy shit in a bad way, right, like the craziest shit. So I am a psychotic Seattle Mariner fan. This is another thing that shocks people. I have a tattoo on my arm. That's all Mariners. I was 2017 Mariner fan of the year for the state of Washington. I've slept and breathed the Seattle Mariners since I was 13 years old or 12 years old, like I. I've been that's 30 something years of heartbreak and depression because the Mariners are the Mariners, but I, the Mariners would would get me through a lot. When my twins were in the NICU, for a month, and we weren't sure if they're going to make it. The Mariners were on TV. You know like I'd be sitting there pumping and and trying to sleep and the Mariners were on TV, or the times where I didn't want to keep going, and then I'd watch a game or go to a game and I'd feel this like community and Mariners were very much like a Mamacita for me. And people have had people be like, Oh, you didn't deserve that award, and they have no idea what it was in that, that essay I wrote because it was-

Kimothy: 1:27:02

What a stupid comment. 

Braxtin: 1:27:03

I know, oh, get me started, but you know it was. It was made out of jealousy, but at the same time it's like it was a very good lesson in don't let somebody take your, your happiness. But I remember I I didn't want to watch the games, I was, I was too depressed, right, I mean, you can imagine I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to eat and I have a favorite baseball player, dan Wilson, who was a nineties catcher for the Mariners, one of the greatest catchers of of of all time at that. At that point, just a really good person to showing me that I do have, I can have good taste in people. And literally two or three days after she passed, this. Dan Wilson has no managerial experience. He, he has some in like the minor leagues. I'm sure he's sounding like a Charlie Brown teacher with how I'm talking to some people, but like, basically he had no experience to like manage an entire baseball team. Three days after she dies I'm not watching these games and all of a sudden the news is like Dan Wilson has become the new official Seattle Mariner manager and I'm like, well, now I got to watch every game because he's going to be on the screen. He literally calls all the shots, he's literally the coach. Now, essentially, he's literally the person that's going to be in that, in that, on those games, every single time. nd I just knew it was her, and like I, I she loved music, she loves music, and I would just randomly get these songs in my head. I get those as messages anyway. But just these little synchronicities that I just know are her showed me that she's up there doing she can help me where she's at, way more now than where she's sure where she was. You know, the body got tired but man, like she's doing so much up there that I just like I'm so thankful and she and, and two years ago she brought me Houdini, this little fucker of a black cat, definitely like Salem level. There's a demon stuck in this cat and he fucking hates it, and he fucking hated me at first. He fucking knew he was like ah crap, I'm gonna be like this witch cat he's the one on my logo, like I this cat is and he, he like, humps things on a constant basis. He is a mess. Um, he's hilarious but he's a mess and he's got his stuffy, mr Humpers. Very important yeah. Um, and he's sex positive in this household and he I always say like she knew, she knew what was happening, she knew where she was at and he's kind of come in to be there. For me It'll never be the same, but it's like she always hated him. She wanted to. She just hated him so much. But she also like knew, like fine, you know, like here. So I would say like in general, I think just having an animal like that like there's synchronicities there, like don't doubt that. But I just know that they like cemented everything this year for me universally with magic. That now I look back and think how she looked at me in the bathroom of like what are you doing? What do you think you're fucking doing? Now it's don't even fucking think about it. I did not just waste 17 years of my soul and that smelly fur body for you to waste it. You know, like it's it's been very like different perspective and I think anybody who's out there struggling with with fear of losing a pet or going through that,  it's, it's, it's a destructive feeling, no matter what. But what I really do realize is I would be doing her very big disservice if I wasn't leaning into all my fears now and looking at how the universe is manifesting. And I'm sure she's up there pulling all the cords because the shit that has been going, I mean the stories I could tell you from this year. I could go on and on and on about these crazy ass stories that have been happening this year and they've all come after she decided to go to the control room and I got to call it that because I don't have any other explanation about what's happening other than the fact that she's up there and that thing has been unmanned. I can tell you, because the way things have shifted since she has left is very apparent that there's a control room for sure.

Kimothy: 1:32:26

Well, thank you for sharing stories and talking with me and being on the show.

Braxtin: 1:32:33

Yeah, of course. Thank you for having me.

Kimothy: 1:32:36

Everybody. Be sure to go down and click below. Highly recommend you at least try the sample packs of the salve and butters. They're fucking amazing.

Braxtin: 1:32:46

Yeah, they're gateway drugs. But they're not drugs, they're gateway products, for sure.

Kimothy: 1:32:53

And that's it. I'll see you on instagram, okay, bye! Braxton! Welcome to Hive House. Braxtin: 1:33:05

thank you.

Happy day to be with the Hive. I have a bee tattooed on me, so. 

Kimothy: 1:33:12

That’s exciting! So I have cards in my hand. I am shuffling them. Say when, and I will pull you one

Braxtin: 1:33:14

When.

Kimothy: 1:33:15

Describe the best birthday celebration you've had.

Braxtin: 1:33:17

Oh man, well, this one's an easy one. [fades out] [fades in] …and I'm like, if I'm gonna be, oh my god, unhinged as hell, I'm gonna go all the way here. You know like we're gonna go, we're gonna, you're gonna get your money’s worth from this interview

Kimothy: 1:33:40

That's my favorite fucking response that I've ever gotten, and I've been doing this for four years. [fades out]

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